My Mission Impossible
When I started my Rule of Life back in January I had no idea what would unfold over the months to come. The discipline of learning to let go opened wide the floodgates to areas that I had conveniently kept safely tucked away off limits.
That is where the mercy, mystery and humour of God come in. He delights to probe deep within every nook and cranny of our being that keeps us from living fully in Him.
He leaves no part of our exterior or interior castle unturned.
At first when I began this daily ritual of letting go I was exhilarated when I would receive a nudge from God regarding a particular area that required attention.
In fact, I found myself strangely eagerly awaiting each new assignment that required surrender.
There I was just like Ethan Hunt in Mission Impossible.
Your mission Nicole is to fully trust in me, should you choose to accept it!
(quote - based on Mission Impossible film series)
Yes - I accept the mission.
So I set out singing my mission impossible theme song as I headed to the closet to get dressed for the day.
I sensed this voice reminding me to stop the fussing in the morning. Quit wasting time going back and forth with what shoes to wear with that dress.
Does it really matter if the beige strap sandal is the Instagram fashion-forward option of the day? Just put something comfortable on your feet, give thanks that you have shoes and move on with your day.
Mission accomplished.
I let it go, now that wasn't so hard.
Soon though I was on to His game.
Then what I feared came true.
God was only warming up!
As I drove to work everyone seemed to be in a rush. Drivers aggressively weaving through traffic, honking and riding on my bumper. I could feel my anxiety start to rise.
When I arrived at the office I reached quickly to turn off the alarm while juggling all my bags and in the commotion I spilt my freshly juiced veggies all down the front of my dress.
Brilliant.
As I scrubbed away at the vibrant green organic produce on my clothes I could feel frustration set in as the precious head start on my work day dwindled away.
Breathe Nicole - you got this!
🎶 Dun Dun da da ...
I removed the stain as best I could and sat down at the computer with my sopping wet dress only to discover messages waiting to inform me that two team members called in sick today.
As I went through my inbox I compiled my brand new list of pressing needs, urgent deadlines and problems to add to my already hefty to-do list of items in which I categorize as - no clue how to solve.
I could feel the walls closing in.
I glance at the clock - only 7:45 am - are you kidding me?
I struggle to concentrate at my desk. My mind wanders. I have been worried about someone I love for a while now. Consumed is perhaps a more accurate description. I can't fix or take away their pain. How do you let go when someone you love is hurting?
The pressures continue to mount throughout the day. An upset stakeholder, a coaching development session with an employee, a wounded colleague needing support and a pile of month end reports to sift through.
I crawl home with my head-spinning at the end of the day and before I can put the keys in the door I hear Ken rehearsing full volume on his new pedal board for his electric guitar. Great!
I walk into the kitchen to start dinner to find my musician's dirty breakfast dishes still in the sink.
Is learning to let go and live in Christ really Mission Impossible?
No matter how hard I tried I seemed to end up back where I started.
The guilt of failing to trust in Him was yet another area to add to my infamous and ever-growing let go list.
Just like Ethan Hunt's Mission Assignment there is choice and free will involved.
Will I choose to obey and stop worrying?
Will I refuse to let fear or shame prevent me from living in His joy?
Will I choose to forgive myself, others or God?
Will I choose to believe what God's word says about who He is regardless of my circumstances or emotions?
However, what I neglected to remember was that I am not on this mission alone.
Thankfully my progress or lack there of was not solely dependent on my will, my effort or my good intentions.
Christ is the only one who can show me how to trust, rest and fix my gaze continually on Him despite my circumstances.
Over the days and months that followed I could feel the Father's gentle yet sturdy hands slowly release the strong-hold of fear, mistakes, shame, disappointments and painful wounds that had been choking the life out from under me.
I felt exposed yet I could hear Him whisper ... you can trust me.
He would not give up on me.
This weight I had been carrying began to lift.
Underneath all these layers uncovered this precious luminous gift.
Christ's very own loving, life-giving Presence.
You can trust me ... I will show you the way.
I am The Way.
"With man this is impossible,
but with God all things are possible."
Matthew 19:26 ESV
🎶 dun dun da da dun dun dada ... doo doo doo ... doo doo doo
As promised, next time I will share with you my personal let go and live list that I have compiled since the beginning of this exploration into this spiritual discipline. This let go and live list is the first part of My Philippians Detox Rule of Life.
This is not an exhaustive checklist but rather a prayerful resource that I hope may be a helpful tool for you in your own personal time of self-examination in order to let go and live fully alive in Christ.
That is where the mercy, mystery and humour of God come in. He delights to probe deep within every nook and cranny of our being that keeps us from living fully in Him.
 |
| Photograph taken somewhere in Sintra I believe |
He leaves no part of our exterior or interior castle unturned.
At first when I began this daily ritual of letting go I was exhilarated when I would receive a nudge from God regarding a particular area that required attention.
In fact, I found myself strangely eagerly awaiting each new assignment that required surrender.
There I was just like Ethan Hunt in Mission Impossible.
Your mission Nicole is to fully trust in me, should you choose to accept it!
(quote - based on Mission Impossible film series)
Yes - I accept the mission.
So I set out singing my mission impossible theme song as I headed to the closet to get dressed for the day.
🎶 dun dun dada dun dun dada - doo doo doo - doo doo doo
I sensed this voice reminding me to stop the fussing in the morning. Quit wasting time going back and forth with what shoes to wear with that dress.
Does it really matter if the beige strap sandal is the Instagram fashion-forward option of the day? Just put something comfortable on your feet, give thanks that you have shoes and move on with your day.
Mission accomplished.
I let it go, now that wasn't so hard.
Soon though I was on to His game.
Then what I feared came true.
God was only warming up!
As I drove to work everyone seemed to be in a rush. Drivers aggressively weaving through traffic, honking and riding on my bumper. I could feel my anxiety start to rise.
When I arrived at the office I reached quickly to turn off the alarm while juggling all my bags and in the commotion I spilt my freshly juiced veggies all down the front of my dress.
Brilliant.
As I scrubbed away at the vibrant green organic produce on my clothes I could feel frustration set in as the precious head start on my work day dwindled away.
Breathe Nicole - you got this!
🎶 Dun Dun da da ...
I removed the stain as best I could and sat down at the computer with my sopping wet dress only to discover messages waiting to inform me that two team members called in sick today.
As I went through my inbox I compiled my brand new list of pressing needs, urgent deadlines and problems to add to my already hefty to-do list of items in which I categorize as - no clue how to solve.
I could feel the walls closing in.
I glance at the clock - only 7:45 am - are you kidding me?
I struggle to concentrate at my desk. My mind wanders. I have been worried about someone I love for a while now. Consumed is perhaps a more accurate description. I can't fix or take away their pain. How do you let go when someone you love is hurting?
The pressures continue to mount throughout the day. An upset stakeholder, a coaching development session with an employee, a wounded colleague needing support and a pile of month end reports to sift through.
I crawl home with my head-spinning at the end of the day and before I can put the keys in the door I hear Ken rehearsing full volume on his new pedal board for his electric guitar. Great!
I walk into the kitchen to start dinner to find my musician's dirty breakfast dishes still in the sink.
Abort the mission - soundtrack extremely unpleasant!
Is learning to let go and live in Christ really Mission Impossible?
No matter how hard I tried I seemed to end up back where I started.
The guilt of failing to trust in Him was yet another area to add to my infamous and ever-growing let go list.
Just like Ethan Hunt's Mission Assignment there is choice and free will involved.
Will I choose to obey and stop worrying?
Will I refuse to let fear or shame prevent me from living in His joy?
Will I choose to forgive myself, others or God?
Will I choose to believe what God's word says about who He is regardless of my circumstances or emotions?
However, what I neglected to remember was that I am not on this mission alone.
We are
never
alone
Thankfully my progress or lack there of was not solely dependent on my will, my effort or my good intentions.
Christ is the only one who can show me how to trust, rest and fix my gaze continually on Him despite my circumstances.
Where is your gaze?
On fear
or on Christ?
Over the days and months that followed I could feel the Father's gentle yet sturdy hands slowly release the strong-hold of fear, mistakes, shame, disappointments and painful wounds that had been choking the life out from under me.
I felt exposed yet I could hear Him whisper ... you can trust me.
He would not give up on me.
 |
| Photograph taken @ The Tile Factory in Portugal |
This weight I had been carrying began to lift.
Underneath all these layers uncovered this precious luminous gift.
Christ's very own loving, life-giving Presence.
You can trust me ... I will show you the way.
I am The Way.
"With man this is impossible,
but with God all things are possible."
Matthew 19:26 ESV
Cue dramatic theme music ...
🎶 dun dun da da dun dun dada ... doo doo doo ... doo doo doo
Do you choose
to accept
this mission?
As promised, next time I will share with you my personal let go and live list that I have compiled since the beginning of this exploration into this spiritual discipline. This let go and live list is the first part of My Philippians Detox Rule of Life.
This is not an exhaustive checklist but rather a prayerful resource that I hope may be a helpful tool for you in your own personal time of self-examination in order to let go and live fully alive in Christ.
Let us cultivate the seeds that nourish our interior castle.
May we be attentive to the unfolding of the beauty of our Beloved so that we may live every day overflowing with the fullness of Christ.
Thank you for stopping by and making this Castle your home.
I
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